I was wondering if there is a way for a guy to improve his sexual performance? What if the guy gets soft alot during sex? Does this mean anything about his health? Is there something he can do to stop this from happening? Just for the record he doesn't masterbate much.

Nicole

I want to start by saying, i am in no way a professional. But I would say, in almost all cases, this problem is a mental issue.

Is the sex akward or lacking in focus? I was personally involved in a relationship where I was so worried about performance, that i experienced similar effects.
What was really happening, was that cause I was so concerned about what i was doing and how good it was, I wasnt focused on just enjoying it. So i got turned off.

Sex shouldnt be a chore.

or u could get the guy to use a ***** ring

I read this a second time and i couldnt help but notice the fact that you point out he doesnt masturbate much. I'm not sure about your definition of "much" but maybe hes got hormonal issues. A guy who doesnt masturbate much is definately in the minority.

Thanks for both your responses...

Running Man - I got him a ring but it doesn't fit well. Hoping that a different size will help.

Junkfoodbad - Yeah, I really think part of it might be mental. At first he told me he wasn't used to me (like when we first started dating). That's fine and I understood. But it's still the same problem and we've been having sex since July and I've been living with him for a month (long story). So I would think he shouldn't still be shy right?

The truth is that I've never been with a guy who has had this problem so consistently. I really don't know what to do in the bed to help it. I just feel like i'm not turning him on or something and then I feel like I have no options.

I had a boyfriend who was a strong believer in masturbating regularly. He had the "dont use it you lose it" mentality. So I mentioned to him that maybe he doesn't masturbate enough. I really don't know what else it can be. What's "normal" as far as masturbation? I think he told me that he masturbates like once a month...

About the hormonal issues; does that mean he doesn't want sex? Cause it seems like he really does want it and then you know...it just goes away

~Nicole

I didn't see your response before I posted but I think I may have answered your question in it.

~Nicole

One thing I noticed that was not mentioned is the possibility of poor blood circulation. It could be a number of things, but you should probably talk to him about it. Whoever gets soft while hittin it with their significant other is lacking is something.

if it were poor circulation i think he would notice other symptoms like his legs and arms falling asleep a lot.

I really think its just performance anxiety. He's so worried about having it go well that it becomes a thing. And hes focusing on NOT losing his erection and he should be focusing on being turned on and enjoying it.

One suggestion....get a buzz on. Not only does it usually make for great sex, it helps relax the mind and makes it easier to just enjoy it. See if you can get him to have 3 or 4 beers or a few glasses of wine before. Maybe a bubble bath or something along those lines. Help him relax and take his mind off performing and just let him enjoy. Dont overdo the drinks, cause youll be having the same problem but for a completely different reason.

Hope this works.

Ok dude, Im totally going to try that. Its really hard to get him to drink anything as far as liquor/beer goes but Ill figure out a way.

I did talk with him about it the other day and it does seem to be more of a mental thing. Hopefully this will help

~Nicole

does he drink a lot? does he drink before you have sex? going limp due to alcohol is no myth.

high stress?

is he 'a good church going' Christian? or Catholic? both are taught that sex is a big sin if its for pleasure, and that could be nagging at him in the back of his head.

could he maybe have been a virgin, and just didn't tell you? or just not much experience in the sack?

it can happen for a lot of reasons. being self conscious about one's endowment, especially with a new partner, can lead to lack of performance. most of the time its mental, especially in younger men who should have plenty of sex drive and testosterone to fuel an erection.

try more dirty talk, esp about how good he feels. stroke his ego...make him comfortable with you, and let him know you're comfortable with his manhood.

I've done lots of reading on sexuality, and I guarantee men obsess about ***** size far more than 99% of the women out there. especially when we look at porn and see tons of men who are very much 'way above average' in the endowment dept.

few men realize that the actual worldwide average size is 5.5 inches

Try getting him to go to his doctor to see if it's not a physical ailment. Diabetes for example impairs one's ability to get/keep it up - so perhaps a checkup is in order.

maybe he isn't attracted to you?

thats just f-in unnecessary

You all realize that men are talking about how to get other men off right? Look I’ve heard that most chicks are never satisfied. Presumably because most guys are stupid since they can't turn on a chick. If you are making out with a girl it should always progress to sex. Apparently your man doesn't have this problem so he isn't an idiot, a fact you should be grateful for. As for your dissatisfaction i suggest you try to become less of a whore. This is what happens when you sacrifice all virgins in the world over centuries. Chicks are having these feelings of never-ending dissatisfaction, but it’s your own damn fault. Girls are not only demanding anal, but ass to mouth, which is ****ing ridiculous. Until you change your ways you’re out of luck.

I know I'm a moderator and I should be held to a higher standard, and the only reason I'm letting this post go is to let the entire board see just what kind of person you really are.. I will say you have NO clue about sex.

Satisfying a woman has NOTHING to do with sexual intercourse, and when guys figure that out they have an easier time satisfying a woman. This thread isn't about satisfying a woman, so I'm not gonna go into that.

Nicole, if your boyfriend is having insecurity problems, then maybe there is something you can do to help. I don't know how your sexual encounters are with him but maybe try to pay more attention to him. Arouse him manually, maybe orally. Mix it up a bit and see if you can get him excited and show him that you're into it just as much as he is.

And by the way... if you really think that sex is about "getting off" then you really have no clue what its all about. There are a lot of women who say they never "get off" during sex but still enjoy it.