I know I haven't been coming to my journal for a while so I think it's time that I at least update this thing.

Today I only managed to do 20 minutes of CV because of the fact that I needed to get to work on time. I then later on went to the gym again and made some good progress weight lifting.

Here's my best today:

Bench Press: 185 for 3 reps
Iso Lateral Row: 190 for 12 reps
Smith Behind the Neck Press: 140 for 3 reps
Dumbell Shurg: 45 for 12 reps
Russian Twist: 10 reps
Transverse Vaccum: 50s
Chest Raise: 12 reps

If I forgot to mention I now work at Whole Foods Market. So because of that I've been eating much healthier because I get 20% off of my purchases. I buy a good portion (not all) of my groceries from whole foods now mainly focussing on the 365 brand. Since unfortunatly I can't afford to eat lunch there I prepare foods for the day at home.

Here's what my diet today looked like today:

Meal 1:
1 glass of skim milk and two non fat yogurts

then CV

Meal 2:
2 Greens & Whey bars and 2 servings of whey protein powder

Meal 3:
1/4 of 93% lean ground beef and green beans

Meal 4:

2 tblsp of smart balance peanut butter
and handful of mixed nuts

Meal 5:

can of tuna and green beans

then weights

Meal 6:

1 serving of whey protein powder mixed with orange juice

I've lost six pounds since the last time I weighed myself which was a few weeks ago and when I last checked was at 160 pounds. Any comments of how I can better myself would be nice.

Time to check in once more. Well today was pretty good I managed to do better on my bench press and of course had a spotter all I just wanna really mention in this post is that I feel better when I have a spotter for certain exercises

Dude today started off great and went great it was a nice day out and stuff and everything despite the fact that I had to work. When I got home though I ****ing feel into a splurge completly by mistake . I feel so terrible right now I can't believe what happened. I guess I just gave in honestly. It's been almost a month anyway(even though that's not really any excuse for splurging) since I last had splurged, however this time it was only for one meal the rest of the day though was absolutly clean. Tommorow I have Hung Gar and a few hours before Hung Gar I'm gonna hit the gym and do my cardio in the morning. All I really know now is how can I really stay on track now. I've already lost 10 pounds and I wanna make sure they stay off. Any suggestions?

I gotta get into the habbit of updated this as much as I can. Today went alright except I feel like I eat alot more then I ussually do tonight. After Hung Gar I had a protein drink with some honey and some fruit as well as two whole wheat pretzals from auntie annes. then when I got home 50 minutes later I had some haddock, whole wheat bread and peanut butter, and brown rice. At least I didn't go all out and eat ice cream and ****. Still I know have to do better if I want to look and be better.

Well what an interesting day it started off ok like it was gonna be ok but then after I did my weights I took a look at myself and was wondering. WTF!! seriously how come it is that my arms, legs, back, and the other parts of body are decent, but my abs are flabby. I felt so bad that I fell into another binge and trust me by now I know I just shouldn't do it and you guys can give me all the hateful judgement about me being a failure and not a person of my word. I am honestly trying and making the biggest effort possible and to get the results I've always dreamed of but day by day it just get's harder. It's bad enough that I'm working full time and still at home, but soon I will be going back to school and that's gonna make things even harder.

Also you know what I hate the most is that alot of people don't really even know how much this means to me. They don't realize the sacrifices that I've made and continue to make. They say stuff like "you don't need to loose any weight your skinny enough. Yea key word "weight" I don't need to loose "weight" just fat I need to loose fat off my stomach and what not. I wanna be able to enjoy a day at the beach or at the pool without being embarrassed to take my shirt off. I also want the satisfaction that I will hopefully be able to give to my girlfriend one day.

Please all I just want is the right help I wanna know if there is something more I could be doing. I wanna know why it comes so easy to others yet I have to work so *@#%*@#%*@#%*@#%ing damn hard and barely make it by.



while I'm here I might as well post the terrible progress I'm doing

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i3.../NewImage3.jpg

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i3.../NewImage2.jpg

http://i68.photobucket.com/albums/i3...e/NewImage.jpg

Ryofire no one here thinks you're a failure or a terrible person; if anything, they can sympathize with your situation because many of us have been there before.

Don't lose heart! You've already taken the first few baby steps towards your goal and you can't give up now!

Take it ONE day at a time and get through the day. Plan your meals so you don't even have to think about what you have to make or cook (which is where temptation lurks for all of us). Your transformation will not come overnight, it is the ever accumulating single day battles you must wage against Lord Fat!

Also don't worry about what other people think, say, or do. You're doing what YOU want to do for YOUR reasons. Every time someone else is influencing the way you act or think you should step back for some perspective, because at that point you are letting that person control your decisions.

We all will support you here, just take it one day at a time, and don't beat yourself up so much!

thx joey and also I will try to update this journal day by day as much as I can.

You're doing well.
Keep it up.

Another day went by and it just seems harder and harder to stick to your goals. I figured to myself that one reason I may have been screwing up alot was my lack of whole grains in my diet. I swear I would only eat something with whole grains only before Hung Gar. I would only do this out of fear of gaining excess fat because I was always told to limit starches, but from now on it's the excess sugar and white starches I have to cut and not whole grains which I was doing in the first place. Like I said though this isn't easy.

Today was a leg day and I managed to squat about 175 pounds on the smith machine and did that for 8 reps. I also did calf raises on the same weight. On leg days I have also been doing hip abductions to get all my legs working.

This Friday I plan to see one of the personal trainer's at the gym for a free consultation.

I'm still trying to think of what to ask him

You're doing great! I'm sooo jealous you work at WFM! Their 365 brand is great and they have yummy prepared food! I miss their fruit & veg the most.

Keep up the good work!

Good call on the sugar/white starches, and if it was easy we'd all be in shape.

Not a bad idea at all. Some questions to think about asking:

1) What is your exercise and educational background? Are you certified by a nationally recognized organization?

2) Can you give me references from other clients and industry professionals familiar with your knowledge and abilities?

3) Do you carry liability insurance?

4) What is your rate per session? Do you offer any discounts or package deals?

5) What hours are you available to train?

6) What is your training/exercise philosophy?

Also be sure that the trainer appears to be in shape. Not every personal trainer looks like a supermodel but they should practice what they preach. And most importantly, be comfortable with them.

This person does look like they're in shape and like he knows what he's talking about, but I also think that it is a good idea to ask those questions.

Today came to a dreadful failure when my last meal consisted of "breaded fish and two carb cousious myoplex shake's and heaven only knows how many carbs were in that meal. and I have to go to bed soon too in order for work tommorow.

A few reasons why I failed today:

1. I didn't get to sleep on time the night before

2. I didn't prepare my meals out the day in advance

3. I didn't get enough sleep.

This $$$$ aint easy I swear I was also so tempted to cheat today as well today because my last meal of the day was a total $$$$ up. I gotta go prepare my food properally for tommorow so I don't $$$$ up this time.

Stick with it Ryofire.. there are gonna be days where your schedule gets changed, you don't get enough sleep, or you just get up on the wrong side of bed. Don't let it be an excuse for failure!

Keep your head up and keep charging!

Somedays I push myself to work out when I'm lacking sleep and some days I don't. The key for me is to not let it get past one day, because it gets harder and harder to get back on track!

I do exactly the same thing if I don't plan my meals out.

Get back on track, you can do it!