For those who played sports in high school or college, what are some of the funniest things you were told or heard from a coach (head coach, strength coach...)

Here are a few for me:

"You call those legs? It looks like you have f***ing noodles sticking out of your shorts."

"Jesus, you haven't increased you weight in 2 day. What the f**k are you doing?"

"Well, I have about 400 other idiots to worry about besides just you."

"Playoffs?!!!! We'll be lucky to win a game" Jim Mora

Anything by Bobby Knight

Anything by Marty Morninghweg LMAO!!!!

"When my time on Earth is gone, and my activities here are past; they should bury me upside down, so my critics can kiss my ass. ..."

Classic by Bobby Knight.

Categorically sums my thoughts on some things-dependent the topic.


Best wishes to ALL!


Chillen

damn the man!! I just realized I put this in the wrong forum. I meant to put this in the Fitness Lounge.


anyhoo...more for me

"You are nothing compared to my hugeness." from strength coach and my boss

"Come on! Harder you, p**sy!!!" College professor during Wingate Supramax cycling Test

"Push hard off the start, give yourself the lead and get a grip on their nuts... then squeeze, squeeze, squeeze till you hear them pop!"

My rowing coach detailing our race plan for the state championships

"Just f***ing fang it, whats the matter with you p*****s?"

The same rowing coach when asked 'what do we do if we don't get the lead at the start'

My dad says some pretty wise things from time to time but I cant put my finger on it. He always comes up with something after I race or do something. I remember once I was about to deck this guy and I heard him from the car park (leaning on the valiant with a smoke in his mouth)

"dont get mad get even dips***" then I headbut the dude. "nice headbut mate" as he lit another durry

I once asked my track and field coach how to be a better sprinter. He said "you might try running faster".

In gymnastics, I was trying to perfect my form on a dismount. I ended up under-rotating and banged my head on the balance beam before landing on the mats and bouncing around a few times. A couple of days later (when I was fully conscious again), I asked my coach how to prevent that from happening again. She said "Quit".

Another gymnastics boo-boo was landing on the balance beam on my crotch (this happens a lot). I asked my coach whether or not there was something I could put between my legs to protect my parts (because I knew it was going to happen again). She said "Yes. I believe it's called a chastity belt. But you can't do walkovers and back flips with those things attached to you. Now shut-up and get back on the balance beam."

Coaches are such a$$holes

You probably had to be there, but these were funny at the time

"some of you guys think this is just a big wank" - U15 cricket coach...we always use to screw around at training and take nothing seriously...Our coach sat us down and opened up with this line...

"did you have that dream of opening the batting for Australia last night?" - U15 cricket coach again...he wanted to open the batting.


"come on (my name) start smackn em....Lay the smackdown!" - Year 11 cricket coach. He was umpiring and i was at the non-strikers end. I'd been out there for 20+ overs in a 34 over game and wanted to finish not out. the "lay the smackdown" bit is a reference to The Rock (he knew i was big on pro wrestling) and he said it with such enthusiasm. We both laughed.

"Yeah boys, huddle around in a circle, touch each other...spontaneously ejaculate" - year 11 cricket coach again...I can't really explain this one, it's a long story.

"Blaine's mum's alright ay" - Year 11 cricket coach

LOL, thinkin about these made me laugh...Like i said, you had to be there and you have to know who I'm talking about to find it funny...Still, funny to me though.

@streamline - my cricket coach had some rippers too

After takign the wicket of the number 3 batsmen for our opponents (a state U19 rep and this was U15's) we were all in a huddle congratulating each other and he sprinted on to the field and said
"Did anyone else see Kayti Allen walk by? I bet she'd go off like a frog in a sock!"

Before the grand final
"Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen... we're not here to **** spiders.'

davies - you've been a failure all your life, how about changing a habit of a lifetime?

My wrestling coach told me "if you can make the opponent cry, you will win the match"